Yamini, I waited to comment on these because I desire to offer some suggestions, I hope you don't mind ... as you are one of my beloved and favorite little sisters.
This one is actually good, except when you get to the last line .. then it loses its flow. Each line has to connect, yet stand alone ... "a game played" is a good line, but the last line does not tell us how this game is played or how it ends.
You could also change the word "several" to "some" .. it will make more sense.
1 comment:
Yamini, I waited to comment on these because I desire to offer some suggestions, I hope you don't mind ... as you are one of my beloved and favorite little sisters.
This one is actually good, except when you get to the last line .. then it loses its flow. Each line has to connect, yet stand alone ... "a game played" is a good line, but the last line does not tell us how this game is played or how it ends.
You could also change the word "several" to "some" .. it will make more sense.
Just think about it ...
Love ya!
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